Thursday, September 19, 2013

Gauzy brain curtains

Total steps yesterday:  12,895
Exercise plans for today:  3 mile run

I think I'm starting to see why I've heard rumors of both pregnancy brain and being super tired all the time.  For the most part, I still have plenty of energy during the day, but there reaches a point, usually around 8:30, where my body just tells me I'm done. It's a sudden onset of somnolence, too.  Last night I took Zoe out to the dog park at about 8, played with her for about half an hour, and then just couldn't anymore.  It took all I had in me to get her back to the apartment and go through my nighttime routine before collapsing in to bed at about 8:35.  It's not like I fall asleep then, though - I stayed awake until about 10, but I just didn't want to move at all.

This morning I can't seem to pull myself out of a daze.  Part of it is being tired from a weird night's sleep - I got to the office super early thanks to light traffic, and instead of starting work early like normal, I took a half an hour nap.  Since then, despite a cup of coffee, I haven't been able to pull myself out of mindlessly staring at my computer while getting very little work done.  I just ate some peanut butter banana toast (best thing ever) and I think that's maybe helping.  For the most part, though, I just want to stare at the wall until it's time to go home.

I feel like in some ways this is making me a bad partner right now.  James's job is one that could be furloughed indefinitely if the federal budget doesn't get passed, and he's pretty stressed about it - I'm stressed too, but can't quite seem to pull myself out of hazy brain enough to discuss it with him when we're home together.  He's definitely pulling more than his fair share of keeping us connected lately, and I appreciate that while also feeling some guilt over not being more present for him.  I guess this is just the first of many ways that having a child will interfere with our relationship, but I don't think it will get too derailed.

I remember having a writing assignment in high school where you had to write something in reverie, and then go back and edit it for clarity.  I feel like that's happening with this blog post.  It's all just another part of the hazy curtain I'm peering through trying to get through the day.  The difference is that, unlike in high school, I'm not going to go back and edit for clarity.  One of my goals for this blog is for it to be an accurate reflection of my experience with pregnancy, and this might be one of the most accurate posts yet. 

I just went back to title this post and decided I should probably google "Gauzy brain curtains" for an appropriate image to accompany the post.  If you never have, I highly recommend doing an image search for randomly combined words every once in a while.  Some end up being accurate:

How my brain really feels today
Some end up being accurate if you apply an English major's logic to them:

And some are total WTFs that lead to interesting webpages about adventurous food.  Women in early pregnancy struggling with nausea issues should probably not read that link.

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